Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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