This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
