Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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