Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
