I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
