I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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