just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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