The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
