break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
