He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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