I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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