Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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