I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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