I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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