Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
