First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
