Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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