here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
lets start a swedish sibling band together
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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