i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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