I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize