dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
