I faked an abortion last night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
