we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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