I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
