Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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