i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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