do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
