some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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