Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
