iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
