hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
