he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
