Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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