woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
