Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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