o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize