he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
