Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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