On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
