a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
