You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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