Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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