i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
