then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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