Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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