I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize