nut hugger
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
