I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
