apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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