Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
