I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize