OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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