In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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