There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
