whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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