Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is the high leading the old right now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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