Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
