I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
