My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
