I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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