i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
