OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
