how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You are the jesus of drinking
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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