She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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