You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
