my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
