she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
