Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
