I smell stomach acid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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