Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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