Sponge bath it is.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
