why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
