yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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