tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
